My daughter starts kindergarten two weeks from today. Two weeks, you guys! 14 days! Until she grows up and leaves me forever!
I mean technically she's still 5 years old and like, requires help tying her shoes, and she can never remember how to spell her last name all the way through, and she doesn't have a Facebook account and she's not allowed to cross the street or eat candy in the morning or drink caffeine ever and these are all required activities for independent living.
But she's going to kindergarten, and I don't know if you knew this, but they have kindergarten at the very same school as like, 5th and 6th graders! Under the same roof as my baby! Those kids are huge! And mean. And corrupt. I'm pretty sure they all sell drugs and watch True Blood. And worship Satan. You think I'm being dramatic, but this is public school, ok? And my innocent child is about to be exposed to these degenerates for hours at a time.
Also? The first day is two weeks away and I have received NOTHING from her school. I don't even know her teacher's name. We have no supply list, so naturally I googled "kindergarten supplies" weeks ago, you know, "to get an idea," and I read approximately 13,000 different lists from schools across the nation, and I'm now fairly certain I'm going to have to furnish her entire classroom myself including desks and drywall and electricity, and they're not going to give me a list until the school supply sales are over, and I might have to sell her brother just to afford to send her to public school.
Because who is going to want to buy her brother? He drools, he bites, he requires you to mash up all his food or at least dice it really small, and he pees everywhere.
So basically, I have no options at this point, and I'm about to lose both my children, one for sale to the highest bidder (if there are any), and the other to a drug-addled cult of streetwise 6-year-olds. Are you happy, California public school system?