Friday, February 24, 2012


Dookie (U.S. Version)

This one's a classic, kids.

The year is 1994.  A certain girl living in a small Nor-Cal town is about to turn 13.  From behind braces, stringy brown hair and a navy blue hoodie she surveys the world and decides:  it sucks.  She writes poetry riddled with teen angst but she has a musical soul--until now she's found solace in the subversive lyrics and hard-driving beats of '60s rock, but she knows there must be something more.  As much as she loves The Who, this is her parents' music, and she knows without a doubt that what she's feeling is something her parents just...don't....get.

She needs something that's hers, something they won't understand...and then, one day, she turns on the radio, and there it is.  A '90s punk teen anthem....

Do you have the listen to me whine...about nothing and everything all at once...

What was the first song/album you remember really "identifying" with when you were growing up?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Tips for traveling with my kid.

Today after school, the Princess is embarking on her first trip without me. Grandma is taking her to Disneyland, folks. Her Auntie Jen is going, too. Mama's staying home because I have to work. Boo.

I've prepared the following list to help my mother deal with my high-maintenance delightful 5 year old for 3 days and 2 nights alone, including a pair of 6-hour car rides:
  1. We taught her the ABC car game, where you look for all the letters on signs from A to Z. She likes it better if you each take turns finding a letter and work as a team, instead of competing. She gets confused and frustrated if you get ahead of her.
  2. She likes to play 20 questions. Except it's more like "as many questions as it takes to figure out she's thinking of the castle at Disneyland yet again" or "as many questions as it takes for her to figure out you're not thinking of the castle at Disneyland."  Really, it's probably just easier if you think of the castle at Disneyland, ok?
  3. Lately she’s liked to do math in the car. She’ll seriously be happy for an hour straight if you just keep asking her “what’s 4 + 8?” etc. She’s getting pretty good at addition. This will be the most intellectually stimulating hour of your life, no doubt.
  4. I’ve printed a million Disney coloring pages and car bingo, and bought her a new sticker book, and her Leapster has fresh batteries. Feel free to tell her you need some quiet time and she needs to amuse herself with the many, many activities in her backpack instead of talking your ear off. Because talking your ear off will always be her #1 choice unless you tell her not to.
  5. As far as I know she doesn't get carsick. I mean, she never has. But if you discover otherwise, well...better you than me.
  6. Watch her brush & floss or she won’t do it and say she did.
  7. Lunch is at 12:00. She asked me to tell you this. She was concerned you wouldn't know when to feed her. She also eats breakfast and dinner, in case you weren't clear about her unique dietary requirements.
  8. I packed a lot of snacks, but you should probably moderate her intake of them. Maybe this seems like a given, but seriously, if you leave the snack bag within her reach, it will be empty when you reach your destination. Also, see #5. Preventative measures.
  9. She does not have to drink juice all the time. Water is actually fine. She does not hate water, no matter what she tells you.
  10. She’s not allergic to anything, including vegetables and elephants, no matter what she tells you. 

I think that should cover it. Have fun!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Death and taxes and husbands griping about shoes.

Our tax refund has arrived.

My husband tHe O.G. recently bought a new computer. When I say "bought" a "computer" I mean he went online and spent $1300 and then over the course of a week a parade of UPS boxes arrived on our doorstep containing mysterious, futuristic objects with names like motherboard and power supply and flux capacitor.

This is how my husband buys computers.


Not this.

I'm assuming the enormous, noisy machine now on his desk is somehow capable of intergalactic travel or something equally impressive.

So. Since he got to have all this computery fun, after we pay off some debts, the balance of the tax refund is mine. All mine.

tHe O.G.: "Since I bought my computer and you gave me very little hassle, I'm not going to give you any grief about what you buy. It's your money."

me: "Thank you."

him: "Unless you buy shoes.""

me: "Oh. I'm buying shoes."

him: "What?! You don't need more shoes!"

me: "I need shoes."

him: "I think you should look at the shoes you have first..."

me: "I'm fully aware of what shoes I have."

him: "I don't think you are."

You guys? I so am.

I can't wait to buy some shoes.

Toms ballet flats.

computer images sources: This. Not this.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Nothing, and then some crappy poetry.

I have started and deleted 10 different posts in the last week.

I start out with a story I think might be funny, and by the end it's just pointless, or worse, sad. Or maybe pointless is worse than sad? Neither is what I'm going for, in any case.

I've got nothing.

But I'm still here.

And I still care about this blog.

And I still want to write for you guys.

So maybe you'll stick with me.

And someday I'll post something worth reading.

I think I should stop this now before this post turns into angsty free verse "poetry."

(the world seems to be
standing still
and moving past me
at the same time.
my eyes open
not seeing
fingers flying
nothing to say.
i'm not really
as depressed as i sound
but maybe i should have had more
than just chocolate
for lunch.
and also
i could probably
use a nap.)

Monday, February 6, 2012

FANCY Friday: A Guest Post for the Magnificent Mr. Carlos

Hey guys,

If you didn't catch it on Twitter, here's the link to my guest post from last week. I decided to throw my cousin a bone and grace his blog with my benevolent presence.*

Head over and check out my contribution to his FANCY Friday series, where I list all the fanciest items I simply MUST purchase (or accept as gifts. Call me).  Go on and click.  I wrote it, so of course you'll like it.

*OK, in all honesty, he IS my cousin so I'm obligated to give him a hard time, but he's really a good guy and a smart, funny writer and an active sailor with the U.S. Navy, so you kind of owe him. Go check him out.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Meet my face.

So, as you've all no doubt already read on my About Me page (which you do have memorized, don't you?), I never really intended for the Pink Lady to become my avatar. It just kind of happened. And I love her, and she's how people know me now, so she's sticking around. And honestly if somebody took a photo of me in a dress and turned it into a silhouette, it would look just like that. So it's honest. So quit bugging me about it.

But, you know...I've been blogging awhile now, and I've got lots of readers who don't know me in real life, and it feels weird that you probably don't know what I look like. I'm not hiding or anything (from you. I may or may not be hiding from the law. So don't tell. But I would never hide from you. We're tight).

So for today's Wordless(ish) Wednesday, I present...

My Face.

iPhone Photo Phun  By Word of Mouth Blogging  Angry Julie Monday