Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Somewhere there's an orphaned Elf looking for me.

OK. I warned you, in my Halloween post, that my Halloween obsession was nothing next to my Christmas mania. I. Love. Christmas.


You guys? It's Christmastime. It is! Thanksgiving is over and it's Christmas!

Last month I entered (ok, I obsessively entered every. single. day) a contest over at Periwinkle Papillon to win an Elf on the Shelf.  Now. I had never heard of an Elf on the Shelf before. I had fully enjoyed my holidays for 30 years now without an Elf. But now that I'm aware this magic little creature exists, I need one.

Sara at Periwinkle Papillon foolishly allowed multiple entries to her contest, and I called her bluff. I've done the math (shocking, I know) and my entries totaled 28% of ALL TOTAL ENTRIES. I should have won that thing.

Here's a small sampling of my 17 entry comments:

It begins.

Don't think I won't.

This right here had to be what killed it for me. Stupid!

Did you miss me? 

Why is the universe conspiring to keep me from my rightful Elf?? WHY??

Through it all, I felt Sara had my back. She wanted me to win this Elf, I really think she did.

I'm a prophet. I really am. Pretty sure the girl who won really DID only enter once.


Alas. I did not win. Sara recognized my passion and dedication and expressed her remorse that I hadn't won, but apparently she was not remorseful enough to fix the contest and give me my Elf. Whatever.

So here I am. November 30, and no Elf. I don't even know how I'm going to make it  my kids are going to make it 26 days without an Elf watching their every move and threatening to tell Santa when they whine. Like I can be bothered to discipline them?! Please! I have Christmas movies to watch! Plus, why would I want to be the bad guy? That's why we have Santa. And Elves.

So I've been whining about how badly I want an Elf, but how I don't want to actually pay for one (where's the fun in that?) and then Twitter brought me this:

Elves from Catie. 
Pros: it's an Elf! It's cheaper than Elf on the Shelf. And it supports a good cause.
Cons: Less creepy.

So. In conclusion: who wants to send me my kids an Elf? I don't even need the book, you guys. I'm a writer. I can make up my own story. I just need a seriously creepy Elf to scare my children half to death and instill in them the holiday spirit. Is that so much to ask?


  1. Rock on Alyssa! Thanks for spreading the love for Catie!!

    Also my first time here and I see you like Outlander series. interesting - me too! it's awesome!

    Thanks again!!

  2. I suppose it depends on which of your readers actually truly loves you.

  3. I mean your kids.

  4. Ah, "detritus." You really know how to kiss butt, you do.

  5. I DO love the Outlander series...but where on earth did I ever blog about that? LOL. You're kind of creeping me out now, Brianne. Do you have an Elf rifling through my Kindle right now?? DO YOU?? (can I keep him?)

  6. ALL of my readers love me, so naturally I'm expecting shipment of a full army of Elves any day now.

  7. I think I know what you're getting for Christmas from your mom! (At least, if she knew what was good for her.)

  8. Oh my gosh! I just saw the Elf on a Shelf thing at the store the other day and had no clue what it was. I just passed it by. Now I think I need one to scare my kids with and instill some holiday spirit in. Dang. I;m gonna have to go get one. They're kinda expensive. But it might be worth it :)

  9. Right? Now that I know I want one, I see them everywhere. So far I haven't caved and bought one. After being teased with the possibility of winning one for free, I feel like that's the only way to really get one: free. I want my Elf to come to me on his own, you see. Or at least on somebody else's dime.

  10. You are seriously making me feel so bad for NOT rigging this stupid giveaway. Now I feel REALLY bad that you are super Elf-less. Can't wait to see what a less creepy Elf looks like! Again I'm sorry I didn't rig it but I wouldn't have been able to sleep at night. :(

  11. Hee hee. I'm surprised you can sleep at night now, with that Elf watching you! And don't worry, I can't (totally) blame you for avoiding the naughty list by rigging your giveaway. I know you've got your own Elf to love and fear.

  12. I'm pretty sure every Value Village in every town in the world has your super super creepy one. I'd try to send you one, but I'm pretty sure Canada Post has a low-creepy factor. :P

  13. Dude. I read your mom's post about you. She will TOTALLY buy it for you. Tell her SurferWife said she should. It's the least she could do other than being a super rad mom.

  14. Okay someone once made zombie gnomes, I wonder what the chances that they made zombie elves...I bet we could find one and harass them to send you one.

  15. It was on your "Let me tell you what to buy" thing on the blog...sorry not a stalker. Unless you want one...besides my elf that's hijacking your kindle I mean. And I think a "reader that actually loves you" (ahem Cynthia!) would love to send you an elf! :)

  16. OH! OK, now I remember posting that. LOL. And you're more than welcome to stalk me.

  17. I'll pass along the message. :) Thanks for answering my desperate Twitter plea for readers.

  18. HAHAHAHA!! Zombie Elf!! Oh my you remember my halloween post, about Gnarles the Zombie Baby?

    Maybe I'll just slap a Santa hat on him and call him an Elf!


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