Friday, December 2, 2011

If I Only had an Elf

If you're new here (yay!), you might want to familiarize yourself with the Elf on the Shelf saga here and here. Or don't! I don't care. I mean honestly it's an incredibly stupid story, so you probably don't want to waste your time. You can just pick up here if you like. Or go read something less stupid.

Some of my readers aren't familiar with Elf on the Shelf. I wasn't either, until very recently, so allow me to introduce him to you.

You should definitely start where I did, with Periwinkle Papillon's video, The Beauty & the Agony of Elf on the Shelf. Go on and watch, it's quick and hilarious; we'll wait.

See, the idea is, the Elf hangs out in your house, disguised as a creepy stalker delightful toy, observing your children. Then as soon as they fall asleep, he comes to life and flies straight to the North Pole to tattle to the big guy! So you'd better be good!

He flies back and spends the rest of the night amusing himself in your home, but when the kids wake up, he turns back into a toy--right in the middle of whatever he was doing! And so the kids leap out of bed with joy and no grumbling and go searching for the Elf.

Here are some photos from Pinterest of Elves in action:

He's a literary Elf.

He's a game night Elf.

He's an arty Elf.

He's a lady's man Elf.

He's a mischievous Elf.

He's a fishing Elf.
Most notably, he's not a Zombie Elf.

Many of you on Twitter have taken up the cause, retweeting and crying out for somebody to send me an Elf and deliver my children from the threat of A Very Gnarly Christmas.

We're expecting delivery of our own Elf any day now. We didn't order one or anything, I just have faith in holiday miracles. And Grandma.

If you don't have a mom like this, I'm truly sorry. But you can order your own Elf on the Shelf through Amazon, and if you use my Amazon Affiliate link I might earn half a penny or so on your purchase!  WIN-WIN!


  1. You are nowhere near normalcy. And it's possible that I'm just bringing sugar cookies.

  2. That would be unfortunate. However, Gnarles does love sugar cookies. And human flesh.

  3. Your mom is one of my favorite people. I am sad that Gnarles won't be making his Christmas debut. I am not trying to avoid the urge to want an Elf on a Shelf, but this is getting VERY difficult. Maybe the urge will calm now that you are getting one...or I will just get super jealous and have to sick Gnarles on you. :)

  4. She's kind of one of my favorite people, too. :) And I'm sorry, but Gnarles answers only to me. That's just how it works.

    If you get an Elf, we can compete to see whose Elf gets himself into the most creative situations at night.

  5. Oh lord don't tell me shit like that otherwise I will be the next elf spammer. Great JUST GREAT!!! Is your mom looking to adopt?


Leave a comment! Be nice. Sarcasm is welcome. Trolling is not.