Wednesday, July 27, 2011

You totally love me.

In news today: we've surpassed 500 total pageviews!  I'm so popular!  Most of you are viewing this page on a Windows machine, using Firefox, though many of you are on your phones.  Yes.  I know all about you.

Also, I have a fan in Australia (Hi, Angela!) and one single solitary pageview from Germany.  I can only assume my German fan tried desperately to read the blog he or she had been hearing so much about, then left devastated that it was unavailable in his or her native tongue.  I'll get right on that, German fan.  Not really.  I don't write German or know anybody who will translate my entire blog for free.  Also, there's only one of you, so frankly, it's not worth the trouble.  Sorry.  Thanks for trying.

But look!  I have pretty heavy traffic coming out of Alaska:

See all that dark green up there??  Who are you, Alaskan reader?  Say hi!  My husband believes you are a "bot," here to "spam" my increasingly popular blog.  Prove him wrong and introduce yourself already.  Unless you are a bot, in which case, please go away.  Nobody here wants to visit your dating site or buy any Viagra.

Wait.  I literally just realized that graphic does not in fact mean anybody from Alaska is reading this.  It's just a graphic showing traffic coming from the United States as a whole, including Alaska only because it's a state.  Obviously.  I mean it's not like I have readers from each and every one of the 48 contiguous states (yet), and those are all green.  I get it now.  Shut up.

Well.  Now I'm bummed.  Why do Alaskans hate me?

As for the rest of you: if you're lurking, please go ahead and subscribe.  It'll make me feel better about myself as a person.  You want me to have self-esteem, don't you?  Don't you?

And please: if you know anybody in Alaska, have them drop by and say hello, and explain to me why their entire state has a personal vendetta against me.  I really don't know what I ever did to them.


  1. Alaska is angry with you for not recognizing them as a state. I suggest you write individual letters to each and every resident of Alaska apologizing for this mistake and explaining the state of Hilmar's educational system.


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